FADE IN:
INT. KENNY’S DENALI
KENNY POWERS puts in his audio autobiography: “You’re Fuckin’ Out. I’m Fuckin’ in.” His recorded voice calls out from the speakers.
RECORDED KENNY
When my ass was twelve years old, my piece of shit, cocksucker of a sperm donor daddy left me and my brother Dusty all alone... while our mom was all full of some real fucked up ass cancer or some shit. Anyway, that's besides the point, and I don't like getting off topic. I was trying to explain how I became a God amongst men.
Kenny turns down the radio and sits in silence as his rearview dreamcatcher sways. He reaches up and stops it.
KENNY (V.O.)
Dreams? Fuck Dreams. I used to have those... And I used to be one of the greatest of God’s creations too! But, now look at me. I just left the one girl that loved me for who I really am. Not just cause of the super star, world class athlete, all around ass kickin’, son of a fuck, mother fuckin’ MAN that I am. Or because of the shit ton of money I was gonna be worth, but cause she really understands me. She was the only girl who could make me cum on myself with just kissin’. And she loved me too. God Damnit. What the fuck happened to me?
Kenny adjusts the rearview mirror to see himself.
KENNY (V.O.) (CONT’D)
I’ll tell you what happened, I came in there like a tornado of greatness and saved them from their sad lives and they all wanted a piece of my shit... But, when I heard that Tampa guy on the phone I just had to be alone again with my above average I.Q. I had to get outta there.
CUT TO:
EXT. GAS STATION - SHELBY, N.C. - EVENING
A car pulls up. APRIL BUCHANAN sheepishly gets up from the curb to join her ex, TERRENCE CUTLER. They hug.
A car pulls up. APRIL BUCHANAN sheepishly gets up from the curb to join her ex, TERRENCE CUTLER. They hug.
CUT TO:
INT. KENNY’S DENALI
Kenny has tears welled in his eyes. He drives on.
KENNY (V.O.) (CONT’D)
FUCK! Now, because I left April and her wonderfully supple titties behind in that fuckin’ cunthole of a town, here I am with nothing and nowhere left to turn. I never felt this shit-fucked of a feeling since that day he left us.
Kenny pulls into a dirt driveway through a thicket of pine trees scraping against his Denali.
KENNY
I hate fuckin’ nature. Scratchin’ this expensive shit. I can’t afford this shit... This has got to be the worst fuckin’ day of my life.
CUT TO:
EXT. DILAPIDATED TRAILER - DAY
Kenny snorts a bump of coke, then gets out. He wipes the dirt off of his snakeskin boots and faces the door.
Kenny snorts a bump of coke, then gets out. He wipes the dirt off of his snakeskin boots and faces the door.
KENNY (V.O.)
This here is the last place I wanted to end up, but here I am, ready to face him. Cause my ass ain't no fuckin' pussy. My ass is a champion. I’m the mother fuckin’ Shelby sensation, fuckers!
Kenny slowly climbs the three step staircase breaking the second stair. He pulls his hair behind each ear and knocks on the tattered door. Suddenly, a double barrel shotgun bursts forth from an opening in the door and presses up against Kenny's Face.
MALE VOICE (O.C.)
WHO the FUCK are you?
SHOW TITLE: EASTBOUND & DOWN
CUT TO:
EXT. DILAPIDATED TRAILER - DAY (TITLE: SEVERAL SHITTY YEARS EARLIER)
Twelve year old Kenny stands with his older brother DUSTIN at his side, on the dirt road. Kenny wears an oversized (#55 POWERS) baseball jersey. A mustang speeds off, kicking up dirt in their faces.
YOUNG DUSTIN
Wanna go kick the shit out of mongoloid Mike?
The two boys smile at each other, pick up sticks, and run down the dirt road.
KENNY (V.O.)
Thank god we left that shitty ass trailer park and moved back home to Shelby.
CUT TO:
EXT. DILAPIDATED TRAILER - DAY (TITLE: SHITTY NOW)
The shotgun still digs into Kenny’s face. The door opens wider to reveal CLARK “super” POWERS (late fifties, Tom Selleck look, overweight, tacky Lion pendant, unruly chest hair, he wears an open robe and tight sweat pants.)
The shotgun still digs into Kenny’s face. The door opens wider to reveal CLARK “super” POWERS (late fifties, Tom Selleck look, overweight, tacky Lion pendant, unruly chest hair, he wears an open robe and tight sweat pants.)
KENNY (V.O.)
I spent my whole life trying to be like this mother fucker... I had some good times on account of it too; millions of dollars, girls lickin’ my asshole, Mexican, Belizian, Spaniard pussy, and a shit ton of kickass b-b-ques... But, none of that matters now. Here we are, standing in front of the same old fuckin’ trailer he left us at twenty-five years ago.
Clark’s girlfriend WHISPER, a twenty-something blonde with big fake “everything,” walks by in the background, nude.
WHISPER (O.C.)
Supe? Who is it? Shit, come back and finish fuckin’ me!
Clark ignores her and keeps the gun on Kenny.
CLARK
I said. Who the FUCK are you?
KENNY
What? It’s me... I’m your fuckin’ son. You don’t know who I am?
Kenny stares at the barrels of the gun. Clark pulls back the gun, smiling, and points it to Kenny’s crotch, revealing that Kenny has just urinated on himself. Clark then points the gun to the ground and starts laughing.
CLARK
Aw shit! It’s my piece a turd son.
Kenny looks down at the urine spot and tries wiping at it. Whisper walks up to the door laughing, still nude.
Aw shit! It’s my piece a turd son.
Kenny looks down at the urine spot and tries wiping at it. Whisper walks up to the door laughing, still nude.
WHISPER
Is he the smart one?
CLARK
Nope. The fuckin’ retard who got all my talent.
Nope. The fuckin’ retard who got all my talent.
KENNY
Dusty? Pffft! I could have been a fuckin’
astronaut scientist. Anyway, I just came to see if your sorry ass was still alive. Some faggot agent said you were dead, so I had to come check for myself. To be quite honest with you, I’m a little sad it isn’t true.
Dusty? Pffft! I could have been a fuckin’
astronaut scientist. Anyway, I just came to see if your sorry ass was still alive. Some faggot agent said you were dead, so I had to come check for myself. To be quite honest with you, I’m a little sad it isn’t true.
Kenny looks at Whisper with shame, then turns to leave.
CLARK
Come on. You didn't drive all the way here in that black man’s truck just to come and see if I was alive. Come on in and have a Miller Lite you little pissed up bitch. I have some sweat pants you can wear.
(to Whisper)
Put some fuckin’ clothes on and get this little pussy a diaper. No, I’m just kiddin’! Get him my nice sweat pants. You know the ones you like me to make sweet animalistic love to you in.
Come on. You didn't drive all the way here in that black man’s truck just to come and see if I was alive. Come on in and have a Miller Lite you little pissed up bitch. I have some sweat pants you can wear.
(to Whisper)
Put some fuckin’ clothes on and get this little pussy a diaper. No, I’m just kiddin’! Get him my nice sweat pants. You know the ones you like me to make sweet animalistic love to you in.
Kenny looks disgusted.
KENNY
Diaper? Ha fuckin’ ha, asshole. Other than coming to make sure you didn’t finally eat shit and die, I was coming to tell you how much you fucked me up, and--
Diaper? Ha fuckin’ ha, asshole. Other than coming to make sure you didn’t finally eat shit and die, I was coming to tell you how much you fucked me up, and--
CLARK
Na-na-naboo-boo. Quit your fuckin’ cryin’.
Na-na-naboo-boo. Quit your fuckin’ cryin’.
Clark walks away from Kenny and pulls out his last two Miller Lite cans from the fridge.
INT. DILAPIDATED TRAILER
Kenny steps into the tiny trailer. It’s riddled with old pictures of Clark and various women, him playing baseball, trophies, and a poster of him which reads, “Samsung’s “SUPER” Lion CLARK POWERS”. A Samsung Lions Jersey (#55 POWERS) hangs encased in glass on the wall autographed by Clark Powers.
Kenny steps into the tiny trailer. It’s riddled with old pictures of Clark and various women, him playing baseball, trophies, and a poster of him which reads, “Samsung’s “SUPER” Lion CLARK POWERS”. A Samsung Lions Jersey (#55 POWERS) hangs encased in glass on the wall autographed by Clark Powers.
KENNY
You have your jersey, signed by you, hanging in your own fuckin’ house?
You have your jersey, signed by you, hanging in your own fuckin’ house?
Clark comes up behind Kenny while he stares at the jersey. He gets eerily close to Kenny’s ear, his curled mustache nearly touches Kenny.
CLARK
You want it? Thousand bucks, take it now!
You want it? Thousand bucks, take it now!
Kenny whips his head around. Clark is standing with the beers, smiling. Whisper comes out of the room in a slutty dress, holding sweats with a roaring lions head on the crotch.
KENNY
No! I do not want your fuckin’ piece a shit jersey. Or your lion sweats, although they are one of the most awesome pieces of clothing I have ever seen in my short, yet beautiful life.
(to Whisper)
And you. I got to be honest with you. I wouldn’t wear that to a dog fight.
(to Clark)
I will take a beer though. We need to talk about some shit, you old fuck.
No! I do not want your fuckin’ piece a shit jersey. Or your lion sweats, although they are one of the most awesome pieces of clothing I have ever seen in my short, yet beautiful life.
(to Whisper)
And you. I got to be honest with you. I wouldn’t wear that to a dog fight.
(to Clark)
I will take a beer though. We need to talk about some shit, you old fuck.
CUT TO:
EXT. DUSTIN’S HOUSE - BACKYARD - DAY
Dustin is in his catcher’s gear. DUSTIN JR. holds the speedometer facing the strike zone. WAYNE, wearing Kenny’s jersey and cap, hurls one straight down the middle. Dustin shakes his hand and smiles at Wayne.
Dustin is in his catcher’s gear. DUSTIN JR. holds the speedometer facing the strike zone. WAYNE, wearing Kenny’s jersey and cap, hurls one straight down the middle. Dustin shakes his hand and smiles at Wayne.
DUSTIN
That was a heater!
That was a heater!
Dustin Jr. looks at the speedometer and jumps up and down. CASSIE watches from the porch, smiling. An arm wraps around her shoulder. It’s STEVIE JINOWSKI wearing a Kenny Powers mask and hair hat. Cassie shakes off his arm and jogs into the yard to the safety of her family. Stevie flips her off. ROSE mimics Stevie from her baby walker.
STEVIE
Church bitch.
Church bitch.
CUT TO:
EXT. JEFFERSON DAVIS MIDDLE SCHOOL - MORNING
Janitors are finishing up the quote on the school sign. It reads, “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils... - Louis Hector Berlioz.
Janitors are finishing up the quote on the school sign. It reads, “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils... - Louis Hector Berlioz.
CUT TO:
INT./EXT. APRIL BUCHANAN’S CLASSROOM. - AFTERNOON
April sits at her desk, staring out the window. She sees Cutler, outside chatting up one of the “hot moms.” Cutler pats the mom’s ass as she walks away, he turns back to see April watching, she glances away quickly and looks to Kenny’s bat which is in the trash. She looks to her desk and sees the head-shot he gave her, signed Powers XOXO!!!.
April sits at her desk, staring out the window. She sees Cutler, outside chatting up one of the “hot moms.” Cutler pats the mom’s ass as she walks away, he turns back to see April watching, she glances away quickly and looks to Kenny’s bat which is in the trash. She looks to her desk and sees the head-shot he gave her, signed Powers XOXO!!!.
CUT TO:
INT. DUSTIN’S HOUSE - NIGHT
Jinowski lays in Kenny’s room staring at Kenny’s signed photo through the Kenny Mask he’s wearing. Jinowski is obviously masturbating, with the door open. He comes to a quick finish and turns to see Wayne across the hall, watching in horror. Jinwoski pulls up the mask and looks at Wayne who’s squeezing his eyes closed. Jinowski slams the door.
Jinowski lays in Kenny’s room staring at Kenny’s signed photo through the Kenny Mask he’s wearing. Jinowski is obviously masturbating, with the door open. He comes to a quick finish and turns to see Wayne across the hall, watching in horror. Jinwoski pulls up the mask and looks at Wayne who’s squeezing his eyes closed. Jinowski slams the door.
CUT TO:
INT./EXT. SHH-BOOM SHH-BOOMS - NIGHT
The doors swing open. MACKWORTHY, his BODYGUARD and MANAGER all walk into the bar brandishing big game firearms. Everyone turns to look at Mackworthy’s crew. CLEG is huffing from a rag behind the bar. TRACY is at the bar, attempting to lick her own elbow.
The doors swing open. MACKWORTHY, his BODYGUARD and MANAGER all walk into the bar brandishing big game firearms. Everyone turns to look at Mackworthy’s crew. CLEG is huffing from a rag behind the bar. TRACY is at the bar, attempting to lick her own elbow.
MACKWORTHY
Any a ya’ll ugly mother fuckers know where the fuck Kenny Powers is?
Any a ya’ll ugly mother fuckers know where the fuck Kenny Powers is?
Mackworthy scans the room with his good eye, over the other he wears an eye-patch with a diamond encrusted cross attached. Mackworthy’s bodyguard takes a beer from one of the patrons and starts to drink it. No response.
MACKWORTHY (CONT'D)
I said do any of you stupid fucks know where Kenny is?
I said do any of you stupid fucks know where Kenny is?
BODYGUARD
Yeah, mother fuckers! Where’s Kenny?
Yeah, mother fuckers! Where’s Kenny?
The room is silent. Tracy stands and pulls up her skirt to flash the room. She yelps, burps, falls to the floor.
CLEG
He owe you for an eight-ball too?
He owe you for an eight-ball too?
MACKWORTHY
No, you stupid honkey ass, hillbilly ass, whitebread, James Taylor lookin’ motherfucker. He took my fuckin eye out!
No, you stupid honkey ass, hillbilly ass, whitebread, James Taylor lookin’ motherfucker. He took my fuckin eye out!
Mackworthy points to the patch. The cross twinkles. Tracy pulls herself up only to fall again and vomit on Mackworthy’s boots.
MACKWORTHY (CONT’D)
Jesus FUCKING CHRIST! God Damnit.
Jesus FUCKING CHRIST! God Damnit.
Mackworthy looks down in anger, then to his bodyguard, who drags Tracy by her hair out of the bar, hitting his own face on the door on his way out.
MACKWORTHY (CONT’D)
You see Kenny, you tell him Mackworthy’s gonna kill him!
You see Kenny, you tell him Mackworthy’s gonna kill him!
Cleg stares at Mackworthy, unconcerned.
MACKWORTHY (CONT’D)
But, I want you to say “you.” I want you to say “Mackworthy is gonna kill you.”
CLEG
Me?
But, I want you to say “you.” I want you to say “Mackworthy is gonna kill you.”
CLEG
Me?
MACKWORTHY
No, Jerry Lee Lewis. Him. But I want you to say “you” alright?
No, Jerry Lee Lewis. Him. But I want you to say “you” alright?
CLEG
I think I got it. You guys wanna go in the back and do some blow now?
I think I got it. You guys wanna go in the back and do some blow now?
MACKWORTHY
NO MOTHER FUCKER! Just tell Kenny his ass is dead.
NO MOTHER FUCKER! Just tell Kenny his ass is dead.
Mackworthy takes a pool cue from the nearest patron and tries to break it over his knee. It doesn’t break. He tries again. He throws it on the ground and stomps it. Still doesn’t break. They leave. Tracy comes back in, fixing her dress. Cleg puts the rag to his face, inhales.
CUT TO:
INT. DILAPIDATED TRAILER - EVENING
Kenny sits on the couch with Clark. There are empty beer bottles and half eaten microwaveable food everywhere.
Kenny sits on the couch with Clark. There are empty beer bottles and half eaten microwaveable food everywhere.
KENNY
So you see, I can’t just be a failure with her. I need you to hook up your Korea connects, so I can come back like a knight in shiny armor and save her sad chink ass. Then we’re off to Korea for sake and superstardom baby!
So you see, I can’t just be a failure with her. I need you to hook up your Korea connects, so I can come back like a knight in shiny armor and save her sad chink ass. Then we’re off to Korea for sake and superstardom baby!
CLARK
Well? I might be able to get on the horn and work something out. What do I get?
Well? I might be able to get on the horn and work something out. What do I get?
Clark looks offended as Kenny gets a call. He gestures to Clark that he has to take it and gets up.
CUT TO:
EXT. DILAPIDATED TRAILER - MOMENTS LATER
EXT. DILAPIDATED TRAILER - MOMENTS LATER
Kenny pushes his blu-tooth headset into his ear.
KENNY
Hello? Speak up! I can’t hear you Cleg. What the fuck are you doing over there? I’m over here trying to talk business with some very important people.
Hello? Speak up! I can’t hear you Cleg. What the fuck are you doing over there? I’m over here trying to talk business with some very important people.
CLEG (O.C.)
(whispering)
I said that Mackworthy came in here saying he was going to kill him.
(whispering)
I said that Mackworthy came in here saying he was going to kill him.
KENNY
What the fuck? Kill him? That doesn’t even make any fuckin’ sense Cleg.
What the fuck? Kill him? That doesn’t even make any fuckin’ sense Cleg.
CLEG (O.C.)
I know. He said he was gonna kill you, but he said he wanted me to say him for some fuckin’ reason.
I know. He said he was gonna kill you, but he said he wanted me to say him for some fuckin’ reason.
KENNY
Oh! I see. Well, fuck Mackworthy. He’s just mad cuz’ I fucked his fat momma back in Atlanta...
Oh! I see. Well, fuck Mackworthy. He’s just mad cuz’ I fucked his fat momma back in Atlanta...
Kenny laughs.
KENNY (CONT'D)
No, I’m just playin’. I wouldn’t fuck her nasty ass.
No, I’m just playin’. I wouldn’t fuck her nasty ass.
Kenny starts to gag. A severely deformed boy, rides past. His chair has a “Be like Mike” bumper sticker. The child turns to see Kenny gagging.
KENNY (CONT’D)
(to the boy)
Sorry! Bad gag reflex, you know?
(to the boy)
Sorry! Bad gag reflex, you know?
The child turns with dignity and continues. The American flag on his chair flutters in the wind.
CLEG (O.C.)
What?... Kenny?
What?... Kenny?
KENNY
Oh God. Sorry about that. It’s just this little retard fetus kid rolled by and nearly scared me half to death. I just get a bad gag reflex when I see retards and deformed people or other disgraces and mistakes by God. You didn’t know that about me?
Oh God. Sorry about that. It’s just this little retard fetus kid rolled by and nearly scared me half to death. I just get a bad gag reflex when I see retards and deformed people or other disgraces and mistakes by God. You didn’t know that about me?
CLEG (O.C.)
I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about man. I just said Mackworthy came in here trying to break shit and saying he was gonna kill you. I also got that big white haired weird dude coming in here asking about your Denali payment falling through. He’s been coming in everyday. I just can’t keep covering for you like this.
I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about man. I just said Mackworthy came in here trying to break shit and saying he was gonna kill you. I also got that big white haired weird dude coming in here asking about your Denali payment falling through. He’s been coming in everyday. I just can’t keep covering for you like this.
KENNY
Cleg, nevermind all that shit. Didn’t you hear me? I’m talking business. I’m gonna be dealing with some serious moolah very soon here. My Daddy is gonna come through with his Korean connects.
Cleg, nevermind all that shit. Didn’t you hear me? I’m talking business. I’m gonna be dealing with some serious moolah very soon here. My Daddy is gonna come through with his Korean connects.
CLEG (O.C.)
Your Daddy? What about Tampa?
Your Daddy? What about Tampa?
KENNY
Man. Fuck Tampa, I don’t want to be around a bunch of old Jews playing shuffle board when I can be drinking sake off a pair of hot Korean tits. And yes, my Daddy... That sorry mother fucker is still alive and he is gonna hook it up. Korean pussy on the reg, appearance fees on the reg. That fuckin’ Denali will be paid off in two weeks, my nigga. You tell Schaeffer, that he will get his used up scratched shit paid off. You know what Cleg? Because of how good a friend I am, I’m gonna just give you the Denali too!
Man. Fuck Tampa, I don’t want to be around a bunch of old Jews playing shuffle board when I can be drinking sake off a pair of hot Korean tits. And yes, my Daddy... That sorry mother fucker is still alive and he is gonna hook it up. Korean pussy on the reg, appearance fees on the reg. That fuckin’ Denali will be paid off in two weeks, my nigga. You tell Schaeffer, that he will get his used up scratched shit paid off. You know what Cleg? Because of how good a friend I am, I’m gonna just give you the Denali too!
Kenny can hear Cleg in the background, hitting a bong.
KENNY (CONT'D)
You fuckin listening?
You fuckin listening?
CUT TO:
INT. ANDY GUMP PORTABLE TOILET - CONTINUOUS
Cleg modified his Andy Gump into a drug sanctuary with candles, incense, paraphernalia, porn, gun rack, etc. It looks like he may live there. Cleg is using the toilet as a four foot bong sits on the floor in front of him. Cans of paint and brown paper bags are at his feet. He has gold paint all over his face.
Cleg modified his Andy Gump into a drug sanctuary with candles, incense, paraphernalia, porn, gun rack, etc. It looks like he may live there. Cleg is using the toilet as a four foot bong sits on the floor in front of him. Cans of paint and brown paper bags are at his feet. He has gold paint all over his face.
CLEG
Yeah. Yeah. Your Daddy is hooking you up with the Korean connects. Fuck Mackworthy because his momma got fucked, and the gay white haired dude will be paid... Two weeks. Then the Denali is mine?
Yeah. Yeah. Your Daddy is hooking you up with the Korean connects. Fuck Mackworthy because his momma got fucked, and the gay white haired dude will be paid... Two weeks. Then the Denali is mine?
CUT TO:
EXT. DILAPIDATED TRAILER - CONTINUOUS
Kenny stares at his boots, then glances up the road nervously.
EXT. DILAPIDATED TRAILER - CONTINUOUS
Kenny stares at his boots, then glances up the road nervously.
KENNY
Yeah. I guess you are always listening, kind of like a baby? Anyhow, I got to get off this phone and finish working out the details on this Korean baseball contract. Those Orientals are gonna be all over my shit like rice!
Yeah. I guess you are always listening, kind of like a baby? Anyhow, I got to get off this phone and finish working out the details on this Korean baseball contract. Those Orientals are gonna be all over my shit like rice!
CLEG (O.C.)
Cool man. Thanks for the Denali. That’s awesome. You’re a good friend Kenny.
Cool man. Thanks for the Denali. That’s awesome. You’re a good friend Kenny.
KENNY
Thanks. I know that Cleg. I just gotta get off this phone before that little tard-fetus rolls by again. I don’t want to get sick and start throwing up Miller Lite and chimichangas all night.
Kenny looks up and sees the kid coming quickly up the road, he covers his mouth as the kid passes.
Thanks. I know that Cleg. I just gotta get off this phone before that little tard-fetus rolls by again. I don’t want to get sick and start throwing up Miller Lite and chimichangas all night.
Kenny looks up and sees the kid coming quickly up the road, he covers his mouth as the kid passes.
KENNY (CONT’D)
Oh shit. There he goes, toward where Mongoloid Mike used to live. That guy must have found him a retard wife to fuck and create little fetus children.
Oh shit. There he goes, toward where Mongoloid Mike used to live. That guy must have found him a retard wife to fuck and create little fetus children.
CLEG (O.C.)
Kenny? I gotta go I can’t wipe while I’m still on the phone.
Kenny? I gotta go I can’t wipe while I’m still on the phone.
KENNY
Wipe? Gross. Bye Mother fucker.
Wipe? Gross. Bye Mother fucker.
CLEG
You telling me you never shit while you’re on the phone with me? I’m hurt.
You telling me you never shit while you’re on the phone with me? I’m hurt.
KENNY
No you sick mother fucker. That shit is private. Oh yeah. I did fuck Mackworthy’s momma too. Tell him that fat pussy was the best slumpbustin’--
No you sick mother fucker. That shit is private. Oh yeah. I did fuck Mackworthy’s momma too. Tell him that fat pussy was the best slumpbustin’--
Phone cuts out. Kenny pushes the button on his headset and heads toward Clark’s trailer laughing.
INT. DILAPIDATED TRAILER - CONTINUOUS
Kenny opens the door. Clark and Whisper are on the couch. Whisper is topless. They look up and then continue with what they were doing.
Kenny opens the door. Clark and Whisper are on the couch. Whisper is topless. They look up and then continue with what they were doing.
KENNY
Hey! Cut that shit out. We need to talk some business. I was thinkin’ ten percent commish for you. Sound good?
Hey! Cut that shit out. We need to talk some business. I was thinkin’ ten percent commish for you. Sound good?
Whisper rises and pulls up her dress top. She glares at Kenny as she leaves the room. Clark tries to get up, but falls drunkenly back.
KENNY (CONT’D)
(to Whisper)
The stories he told us about Korean pussy, oh my god!
(to Clark)
You taught me about the shocker move with one of your Korea stories. Remember that?
(to Whisper)
The stories he told us about Korean pussy, oh my god!
(to Clark)
You taught me about the shocker move with one of your Korea stories. Remember that?
Kenny holds up his right hand, creating “The Shocker” gesture. Whisper ignores him and goes into her room in the back.
CLARK
Hey Kenny? I been meaning to ask you, I just never wanted to really talk to you. But, since you’re here... why did you always wear my number fifty-five?
Hey Kenny? I been meaning to ask you, I just never wanted to really talk to you. But, since you’re here... why did you always wear my number fifty-five?
KENNY
I don’t know. I guess it's the one link I have to that short time when we were kids where it looked like we were a family or something and you were someone I guess I looked up to. It helps me to remember that time when you and my momma loved each other.
I don’t know. I guess it's the one link I have to that short time when we were kids where it looked like we were a family or something and you were someone I guess I looked up to. It helps me to remember that time when you and my momma loved each other.
CLARK
Kenny, I hate to tell you, with you being all sentimental and shit, but your momma was one of the ugliest slumpbusters I ever got caught up with.
Kenny, I hate to tell you, with you being all sentimental and shit, but your momma was one of the ugliest slumpbusters I ever got caught up with.
KENNY
She had ass cancer and you left her. What about the sex letter you wrote to her?
She had ass cancer and you left her. What about the sex letter you wrote to her?
CLARK
Aw, shit Kenny. That letter was just to get her pussy wet.
Whisper walks in laughing. Kenny gets up and heads toward Clark, who stands up. They stand face to face in the tiny living room. Whisper files her toenails.
Aw, shit Kenny. That letter was just to get her pussy wet.
Whisper walks in laughing. Kenny gets up and heads toward Clark, who stands up. They stand face to face in the tiny living room. Whisper files her toenails.
KENNY
Shut the fuck up! You take that shit back. My mother was a goddess.
Kenny reaches for Clark’s throat, but Clark dodges him, grabs his hand, and gets Kenny’s arm behind his back, bending him over the couch. Kenny struggles to get out.
Shut the fuck up! You take that shit back. My mother was a goddess.
Kenny reaches for Clark’s throat, but Clark dodges him, grabs his hand, and gets Kenny’s arm behind his back, bending him over the couch. Kenny struggles to get out.
KENNY (CONT’D)
Lemme go! Uncle, fucker.
Lemme go! Uncle, fucker.
CLARK
Okay. I take that shit back you little pudwacker.
Clark lets Kenny go. Kenny immediately gets back in his face. They stand silent, getting closer to one another.
Okay. I take that shit back you little pudwacker.
Clark lets Kenny go. Kenny immediately gets back in his face. They stand silent, getting closer to one another.
WHISPER
Boys! Boys! I’ll suck both your cocks if you don’t fight.
Boys! Boys! I’ll suck both your cocks if you don’t fight.
Kenny looks disgusted. Clark shakes his head.
CLARK
She’s just kiddin’.
Whisper shakes her head, no. Kenny’s phone vibrates on the table. It reads “DUSTIN voicemail”.
She’s just kiddin’.
Whisper shakes her head, no. Kenny’s phone vibrates on the table. It reads “DUSTIN voicemail”.
Kenny reaches for it. Clark falls to the couch.
KENNY
I think that I should just go check my message.
(to Whisper)
We need to chill out for a while and think about how a true Powers showdown really doesn’t serve either of us. Right?
I think that I should just go check my message.
(to Whisper)
We need to chill out for a while and think about how a true Powers showdown really doesn’t serve either of us. Right?
Whisper sits next to Clark. She starts to rub his crotch, he moves toward it. Kenny looks away.
KENNY (CONT'D)
I’ll go get us a few more Miller Lites. I got a couple Norcos and some Valium too.
I’ll go get us a few more Miller Lites. I got a couple Norcos and some Valium too.
Clark is looking like he’s about to pass out.
WHISPER
Oh! And get some tweak?
Oh! And get some tweak?
Kenny shakes his head no.
KENNY
I’m out. But, is it cool if I just stay here tonight?
I’m out. But, is it cool if I just stay here tonight?
No answer. Clark looks half asleep.
KENNY (CONT’D)
I’m gonna be the bigger person here and let this go, and you should try to match my chivalry by coming to the plate with some Korean connects. Like it or not, I am your son and you’re my mother fuckin father. I’m sorry for almost killing you in that choke hold.
I’m gonna be the bigger person here and let this go, and you should try to match my chivalry by coming to the plate with some Korean connects. Like it or not, I am your son and you’re my mother fuckin father. I’m sorry for almost killing you in that choke hold.
CLARK
You can stay the night. I’ll make you breakfast pussy...
You can stay the night. I’ll make you breakfast pussy...
Clark starts snoring. Whisper looks at Kenny and offers a blow job with a gesture using hands and tongue in mouth. Kenny shakes his head no and leaves.
INT. KENNY’S DENALI
Kenny gets in, starts his voicemail, and turns it up through the speakers.
Kenny gets in, starts his voicemail, and turns it up through the speakers.
DUSTIN
Everybody here really misses you Kenny. The boys have been doing great. We been watchin' the Sportscenters and what not and we haven't heard a word about Tampa though. But, Cassie said she saw on a blogger or something, that it was looking good, so I guess we’ll hear about it soon.
The message plays loudly. Kenny turns it down a little.
Everybody here really misses you Kenny. The boys have been doing great. We been watchin' the Sportscenters and what not and we haven't heard a word about Tampa though. But, Cassie said she saw on a blogger or something, that it was looking good, so I guess we’ll hear about it soon.
The message plays loudly. Kenny turns it down a little.
CUT TO:
INT. DUSTIN’S HOUSE - DAYS BEFORE
Cassie sits at her computer looking at a blog called “Your Fuckin Eye is Out!” A video of Kenny taking out Mackworthy’s eye plays on a loop. The blog looks like the amateur work of Jinowski.
Cassie sits at her computer looking at a blog called “Your Fuckin Eye is Out!” A video of Kenny taking out Mackworthy’s eye plays on a loop. The blog looks like the amateur work of Jinowski.
CUT TO:
INT. KENNY’S DENALI - MOMENTS LATER
INT. KENNY’S DENALI - MOMENTS LATER
DUSTIN (CONT’D)
You shoulda seen the oldest boy. He took what you said about his balls seriously. He is throwin' seventy-seven mile an hour heaters out there by the broken bird bath with me and Dusty Jr.
You shoulda seen the oldest boy. He took what you said about his balls seriously. He is throwin' seventy-seven mile an hour heaters out there by the broken bird bath with me and Dusty Jr.
KENNY
Ol’ Blonde on Blonde.
Ol’ Blonde on Blonde.
DUSTIN (CONT’D)
In a weird way you know, you really brought us all closer together during your stay here Kenny.
Silence.
In a weird way you know, you really brought us all closer together during your stay here Kenny.
Silence.
DUSTIN (CONT'D)
Thanks Bro. Anyway, there is one thing though.
Thanks Bro. Anyway, there is one thing though.
CUT TO:
INT. DUSTIN’S HOUSE - EARLIER WHILE LEAVING THE MESSAGE.
Dustin leans in close to the phone. From behind him Jinowski leans in too. He’s wearing the Kenny Mask.
INT. DUSTIN’S HOUSE - EARLIER WHILE LEAVING THE MESSAGE.
Dustin leans in close to the phone. From behind him Jinowski leans in too. He’s wearing the Kenny Mask.
DUSTIN (CONT’D)
It's yer friend. He's just hangin' around saying he's “waitin” to see if you called yet? He has been here since you left and Cassie is getting kind of nervous. So just give us a call would ya' Ken?
It's yer friend. He's just hangin' around saying he's “waitin” to see if you called yet? He has been here since you left and Cassie is getting kind of nervous. So just give us a call would ya' Ken?
CUT TO:
INT. KENNY’S DENALI - MOMENTS LATER
Kenny has tears in his eyes. The voicemail continues. The Denali has trash and clothes everywhere, he has been on the road for a while.
Kenny has tears in his eyes. The voicemail continues. The Denali has trash and clothes everywhere, he has been on the road for a while.
DUSTIN
Hold on, Somebody wants to talk to you Kenny.
Hold on, Somebody wants to talk to you Kenny.
KENNY
(to himself)
Damn. Long fuckin message.
There is a rustling in the background.
(to himself)
Damn. Long fuckin message.
There is a rustling in the background.
STEVIE
Hey Kenny it's your best friend. I just wanted to see if you were rethinking the whole me coming out to Tampa thing? It's just things are pretty bad out here in Shelby, without you. I lost my apartment and my job. April is back with Cutler and it just seems like my whole fuckin’ world is falling apart without you Kenny.
Hey Kenny it's your best friend. I just wanted to see if you were rethinking the whole me coming out to Tampa thing? It's just things are pretty bad out here in Shelby, without you. I lost my apartment and my job. April is back with Cutler and it just seems like my whole fuckin’ world is falling apart without you Kenny.
Message beeps and cuts out. Kenny turns on the engine, puts it into drive and rolls down the dirt road.
KENNY (V.O.)
(to himself)
I knew ol’ blondy had some monster balls. Seventy-sevens! That’s fuckin little league world series heat. Fuckin’ April though. Back together?
(to himself)
I knew ol’ blondy had some monster balls. Seventy-sevens! That’s fuckin little league world series heat. Fuckin’ April though. Back together?
CUT TO:
INT. DILAPIDATED TRAILER - THE NEXT DAY
Kenny is asleep on a loveseat, his legs hang over the end. He has a tiny blanket, which comes up to just above the navel. His head and shoulders are wrapped in a towel. The phone rings, Clark &
Kenny is asleep on a loveseat, his legs hang over the end. He has a tiny blanket, which comes up to just above the navel. His head and shoulders are wrapped in a towel. The phone rings, Clark &
Whisper comes out nude. Kenny is still sleeping. Clark grabs the phone.
CLARK
Yellow?
Yellow?
CUT TO:
INT. ASHLEY SCHAEFFER BMW - ASHLEY’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
ASHLEY SCHAEFFER and Reg Mackworthy sit on either side of Ashley’s desk. Hot “sales” women stand behind them, massaging their shoulders. Ashley licks his masseuse’s hand before leaning in to the phallic speakerphone mic.
ASHLEY SCHAEFFER and Reg Mackworthy sit on either side of Ashley’s desk. Hot “sales” women stand behind them, massaging their shoulders. Ashley licks his masseuse’s hand before leaning in to the phallic speakerphone mic.
ASHLEY
Is Kenny Powers there?
Is Kenny Powers there?
CLARK
Who’s this?
Who’s this?
ASHLEY
Ashley Schaeffer, Ashley Shaeffer BMW. I’ll cut to the fat. I’m looking for Kenny Powers. That tiny dicked man owes me his ass and I’m calling to collect. This isn’t a game anymore... It stopped being a game a long time ago. Whooo!
Ashley Schaeffer, Ashley Shaeffer BMW. I’ll cut to the fat. I’m looking for Kenny Powers. That tiny dicked man owes me his ass and I’m calling to collect. This isn’t a game anymore... It stopped being a game a long time ago. Whooo!
Ashley pulls the hand of his masseuse down to his nipple and provokes her to squeeze it. She does. He slightly convulses. Mackworthy now has his shirt and jersey off, but still wears the gold chains. He is covered in baby oil, shiny.
MACKWORTHY
Stopped being a game when that pussy knocked my fuckin’ eye out!
Stopped being a game when that pussy knocked my fuckin’ eye out!
Mackworthy flips up the eye patch.
CLARK (O.C.)
Who the fuck is this?
Who the fuck is this?
CUT TO:
Ashley holds his index finger up to his mouth. He stands up, unbuckles his belt and the top button of his pants, then he crawls up onto his desk on all fours and gets down close to the mic.
Ashley holds his index finger up to his mouth. He stands up, unbuckles his belt and the top button of his pants, then he crawls up onto his desk on all fours and gets down close to the mic.
ASHLEY
You see, we have been seeking out Kenny for quite some time now. Like the majestic eagle stalks his prey just before feasting upon it’s bloody flesh and innards. Then making love to his eagless mate amongst the desecration he has created.
You see, we have been seeking out Kenny for quite some time now. Like the majestic eagle stalks his prey just before feasting upon it’s bloody flesh and innards. Then making love to his eagless mate amongst the desecration he has created.
CLARK
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
ASHLEY
Point is, we’ve heard he’s off to Korea to play some ball and we just wanted to give him a free blow job before he goes. Whooo! That’s all. Simple blow, Ashley Schaeffer style. Whoo!... whoo.
Point is, we’ve heard he’s off to Korea to play some ball and we just wanted to give him a free blow job before he goes. Whooo! That’s all. Simple blow, Ashley Schaeffer style. Whoo!... whoo.
Ashley winks to Mackworthy. Mackworthy looks confused.
CUT TO:
INT. DILAPIDATED TRAILER - CONTINUOUS
Clark looks at Kenny, snoring on the tiny couch.
CLARK
What? That boy’s retarded. He ain’t going to Korea. I owe them so much fuckin’ money I had to fake my own damn death. He thought I still had Korea connects and he’s just so pathetic and sad so I told him I might hook him up. So if he owes you money or something, just kiss it goodbye.
What? That boy’s retarded. He ain’t going to Korea. I owe them so much fuckin’ money I had to fake my own damn death. He thought I still had Korea connects and he’s just so pathetic and sad so I told him I might hook him up. So if he owes you money or something, just kiss it goodbye.
CUT TO:
INT. ASHLEY SCHAEFFER BMW - ASHLEY’S OFFICE
Schaeffer lays on his back on his desk. Mackworthy is being rubbed down with baby oil.
Schaeffer lays on his back on his desk. Mackworthy is being rubbed down with baby oil.
ASHLEY
So here is what’s going to happen. Ill give you a thousand bucks... All you have to do is tell him he is going to Korea and I will send you five hundred dollars cash and a five hundred dollar rebate on your next Ashley Schaeffer imports purchase. Deal?
So here is what’s going to happen. Ill give you a thousand bucks... All you have to do is tell him he is going to Korea and I will send you five hundred dollars cash and a five hundred dollar rebate on your next Ashley Schaeffer imports purchase. Deal?
CLARK (O.C.)
You said a thousand. If I’m gonna sell out my son, it’s worth a thousand cash.
You said a thousand. If I’m gonna sell out my son, it’s worth a thousand cash.
CUT TO:
INT. DILAPIDATED TRAILER - CONTINUOUS
Whisper tugs at Clark’s arm. Kenny is still asleep, snoring. Clark holds his hand over the phone.
INT. DILAPIDATED TRAILER - CONTINUOUS
Whisper tugs at Clark’s arm. Kenny is still asleep, snoring. Clark holds his hand over the phone.
CLARK
(to Whisper)
What? Can’t you see I’m talking business?
(to Whisper)
What? Can’t you see I’m talking business?
WHISPER
Ask for some ex or tweak too.
Ask for some ex or tweak too.
Clark scowls at her. Whisper walks to the room, defeated.
CLARK
(to Whisper)
Go put some fuckin' clothes on!
(back to phone)
Sorry about that. I was consulting with my partner. A thousand and it’s a deal.
(to Whisper)
Go put some fuckin' clothes on!
(back to phone)
Sorry about that. I was consulting with my partner. A thousand and it’s a deal.
CUT TO:
INT. ASHLEY SCHAEFFER BMW - ASHLEY’S OFFICE
Ashley’s wearing only his boxers, rubbing oil on his own body, lying on the desk. He grabs the mic.
Ashley’s wearing only his boxers, rubbing oil on his own body, lying on the desk. He grabs the mic.
ASHLEY
This man drives a hard one. Okay! Thousand bucks. But, he has to come back to Shelby. Tell him they booked his flight out of Charlotte, so we can see him one last time.
This man drives a hard one. Okay! Thousand bucks. But, he has to come back to Shelby. Tell him they booked his flight out of Charlotte, so we can see him one last time.
MACKWORTHY
Yeah. The last fuckin’ time. Eye for a life mother fucker.
Yeah. The last fuckin’ time. Eye for a life mother fucker.
Ashley and Mackworthy high five. Ashley keeps his hand up and balls it into a “black power” fist.
Mackworthy’s diamond encrusted cross falls off his eye patch.
CUT TO:
INT. DILAPIDATED TRAILER - MOMENTS LATER
Clark stands over Kenny while he sleeps. Clark is now wearing his lion sweatpants and his robe. The pants have a hole in the crotch, where a piece of flesh hangs out.
Clark stands over Kenny while he sleeps. Clark is now wearing his lion sweatpants and his robe. The pants have a hole in the crotch, where a piece of flesh hangs out.
CLARK
Wake the fuck up retard! I got good news.
Wake the fuck up retard! I got good news.
Clark flicks his cigarette ashes onto Kenny’s face. Kenny slowly realizes and wakes up.
KENNY
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
Clark’s crotch and the hole with the exposed flesh is prominently displayed in front of Kenny’s face. Kenny points to it.
KENNY (CONT’D)
Oh God. What the fuck is that?
Oh God. What the fuck is that?
Clark looks at it and smiles. He pulls it out of the hole a little. It’s still unclear what part of the anatomy it is.
CLARK
Let’s play a game? It’s called stick or stones. You guess. Then I’ll tell you the good news.
Let’s play a game? It’s called stick or stones. You guess. Then I’ll tell you the good news.
KENNY
I don’t know. Get your fuckin' man piece away from my fuckin’ face. What news?
I don’t know. Get your fuckin' man piece away from my fuckin’ face. What news?
CLARK
Come on... Stick or stones?
Come on... Stick or stones?
KENNY
Aw fuck. Stones?
Aw fuck. Stones?
CLARK
Nope. It’s my dick.
Nope. It’s my dick.
KENNY
I don’t give a fuck, you sick mother fucker. What’s the good news? Come on spill it.
I don’t give a fuck, you sick mother fucker. What’s the good news? Come on spill it.
CLARK
Well. It wasn’t easy, but I been on the phone with the Koreans all morning and they want you. Samsung Lions, fifty-five just like me! They’re offering thousands.
Well. It wasn’t easy, but I been on the phone with the Koreans all morning and they want you. Samsung Lions, fifty-five just like me! They’re offering thousands.
Kenny stands up quickly. Visibly excited. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He wears his small thong underwear and the towel on his head.
CLARK (CONT'D)
They got you tickets out of Charlotte, so you can square all your shit away, before leaving. I told them to book two tickets so you can bring that big titty girl with you.
They got you tickets out of Charlotte, so you can square all your shit away, before leaving. I told them to book two tickets so you can bring that big titty girl with you.
KENNY
Hell yeah. You finally came through, you old son of a bitch. I mean other than having sex to my mom and giving me life, this is the best thing you have ever done. You were the worst father a kid could ever have, but NOW... I forgive you. You old fuck!
Hell yeah. You finally came through, you old son of a bitch. I mean other than having sex to my mom and giving me life, this is the best thing you have ever done. You were the worst father a kid could ever have, but NOW... I forgive you. You old fuck!
Kenny hugs Clark. Clark pats him on his bare ass. Whisper watches from the end of the trailer. She shakes her head no to Clark. Clark ignores her.
CLARK
So I guess you’d better get out of here and get on the road. You got all kinds of shit to deal with before you go.
So I guess you’d better get out of here and get on the road. You got all kinds of shit to deal with before you go.
KENNY
You’re right. I got to get April back. Korea bitches! Whisper, you have been a fine host too, and if he wasn’t my dad, I would have gone for the whole blow job thing. Thanks.
You’re right. I got to get April back. Korea bitches! Whisper, you have been a fine host too, and if he wasn’t my dad, I would have gone for the whole blow job thing. Thanks.
Whisper starts crying.
KENNY (CONT'D)
Aw come on, don’t cry. I’ll be back to bring Clark his commish in the off season. I’ll see y’all again.
Aw come on, don’t cry. I’ll be back to bring Clark his commish in the off season. I’ll see y’all again.
WHISPER
It’s just so sad... Clark?
It’s just so sad... Clark?
CLARK
Yeah, I know. My boy’s off to Korea. Careful with that Korean sake though, it’ll punch you straight in the turd-cutter. I’ll tell you what, you’ll shit your squirrel covers if you ain’t careful.
Yeah, I know. My boy’s off to Korea. Careful with that Korean sake though, it’ll punch you straight in the turd-cutter. I’ll tell you what, you’ll shit your squirrel covers if you ain’t careful.
Kenny looks disgusted. They all stand in the trailer awkwardly staring at one another.
CLARK (CONT'D)
Welp. Get dressed and get on the road. You’re gonna be a star again, thanks to me.
Welp. Get dressed and get on the road. You’re gonna be a star again, thanks to me.
FADE TO:
INT. KENNY’S DENALI - DAY
Kenny is dressed in his “Sundays best.” His hair is slick. He makes a call through the car speakers. His phone reads, “calling Dustin.” The phone picks up.
Kenny is dressed in his “Sundays best.” His hair is slick. He makes a call through the car speakers. His phone reads, “calling Dustin.” The phone picks up.
STEVIE
Kenny? Kenny, is that you?
Kenny? Kenny, is that you?
KENNY
Yeah Stevie. Why the fuck are you at my brother’s house?
Yeah Stevie. Why the fuck are you at my brother’s house?
STEVIE
It’s just... I been waiting for you to call. I’m so happy I’m talking to you. I love you Kenny Powers.
It’s just... I been waiting for you to call. I’m so happy I’m talking to you. I love you Kenny Powers.
Stevie starts to cry.
KENNY
OK. OK. Enough a that shit. I got something to tell you.
OK. OK. Enough a that shit. I got something to tell you.
STEVIE
I feel like I have something to tell you too. Don’t be mad at me, but I have been wearing your mask and pretending to be you. It’s really fucking hard to be Kenny Powers... One other thing. I masturbated to your picture while I was wearing the mask. I just feel like I should be honest in this relationship.
I feel like I have something to tell you too. Don’t be mad at me, but I have been wearing your mask and pretending to be you. It’s really fucking hard to be Kenny Powers... One other thing. I masturbated to your picture while I was wearing the mask. I just feel like I should be honest in this relationship.
KENNY
What the fuck? Man you need to get some counseling. I can understand that everyone would want to do that to looking at my image, but it still makes me sick to my stomach. Please keep that shit to yourself Stevie... Anyhow, I’m gonna sign with the Samsung Lions in Korea and I have one last job for you as my assistant.
What the fuck? Man you need to get some counseling. I can understand that everyone would want to do that to looking at my image, but it still makes me sick to my stomach. Please keep that shit to yourself Stevie... Anyhow, I’m gonna sign with the Samsung Lions in Korea and I have one last job for you as my assistant.
STEVIE
Assistant?
Assistant?
KENNY
Now don’t get all excited. I know that I told you the fire alarm thing was your last job as my assistant, but that ended up being as my friend, so I technically have one “last” assignment, right?
Now don’t get all excited. I know that I told you the fire alarm thing was your last job as my assistant, but that ended up being as my friend, so I technically have one “last” assignment, right?
STEVIE
I’ll do anything.
I’ll do anything.
CUT TO:
EXT. JEFFERSON DAVIS MIDDLE SCHOOL. SCHOOL SIGN - DAY
It reads. “Smoking kills, if you’re killed you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” -Brooke Shields. Stevie runs past the sign toward the school, in full Kenny Powers gear and mask.
It reads. “Smoking kills, if you’re killed you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” -Brooke Shields. Stevie runs past the sign toward the school, in full Kenny Powers gear and mask.
CUT TO:
INT. APRIL BUCHANAN’S CLASSROOM - DAY
April helps a student. Another student calls to her and points to the door. Standing in the doorway is
April helps a student. Another student calls to her and points to the door. Standing in the doorway is
Stevie wearing the Kenny mask. April looks shocked and nervous.
APRIL
Everything okay Stevie?
Everything okay Stevie?
STEVIE
I have a message for you from the Kenny Powers.
(Kenny impression)
Ms. April Buchanan, I’m coming to get you out of all this. We are headed to Korea, so I can play ball. This time it’s for real. Pack yer shit! I can’t do it without you.
I have a message for you from the Kenny Powers.
(Kenny impression)
Ms. April Buchanan, I’m coming to get you out of all this. We are headed to Korea, so I can play ball. This time it’s for real. Pack yer shit! I can’t do it without you.
APRIL
You tell Kenny, he can go eff himself. I’m not going anywhere with him. Especially Korea. If he had any real balls he would’ve come talk to me himself, instead of sending a little masked freak.
You tell Kenny, he can go eff himself. I’m not going anywhere with him. Especially Korea. If he had any real balls he would’ve come talk to me himself, instead of sending a little masked freak.
Stevie pulls the mask back on his head, revealing his face.
STEVIE
You’re throwing it all away April. You know how many people would kill to be in your shoes?
You’re throwing it all away April. You know how many people would kill to be in your shoes?
APRIL
Stevie, I have a class to teach.
Stevie, I have a class to teach.
Stevie stands there shaking his head slowly at her.
STEVIE
His cock cashes checks!
His cock cashes checks!
APRIL
Leave.
Leave.
CUT TO:
INT. JEFFERSON DAVIS MIDDLE SCHOOL - BAND ROOM - DAY
The band class is led by a new teacher. Stevie walks in wearing the Kenny mask and points to the teacher.
The band class is led by a new teacher. Stevie walks in wearing the Kenny mask and points to the teacher.
BAND TEACHER
Excuse me?
Excuse me?
STEVIE
You are a victim of my fucking WAR!
You are a victim of my fucking WAR!
Stevie stands there like a statue, just pointing. The BAND TEACHER walks over to his phone.
BAND TEACHER
Sir. Please leave. I’m calling security.
Sir. Please leave. I’m calling security.
CUT TO:
INT. JEFFERSON DAVIS MIDDLE SCHOOL - GYMNASIUM - DAY
Kenny’s former students stand around their new P.E. coach, MRS. CAROL, who sits on the end of a weight bench.
INT. JEFFERSON DAVIS MIDDLE SCHOOL - GYMNASIUM - DAY
Kenny’s former students stand around their new P.E. coach, MRS. CAROL, who sits on the end of a weight bench.
MRS. CAROL
Spotters?
Spotters?
Two boys come to her. She lays down and easily lifts the weights from the rack, to her chest and back with no help. She slams the weights on the rack and stands up.
MRS. CAROL (CONT’D)
Now, that is how you lift three hundred pounds kids!
Now, that is how you lift three hundred pounds kids!
Stevie, still wearing the mask, bursts through the gym doors, being chased by school security.
STEVIE
(screaming)
Kenny’s coming back! Kenny Powers is coming home you fuckin’ losers.
(screaming)
Kenny’s coming back! Kenny Powers is coming home you fuckin’ losers.
CUT TO:
INT. KENNY’S DENALI - NIGHT
Kenny waits as the phone rings.
Kenny waits as the phone rings.
CUT TO:
INT./EXT. APRIL BUCHANAN’S HOUSE - NIGHT
April is on the computer watching video of Kenny knocking out Mackworthy’s eye, and their kiss afterward. Her phone rings.
April is on the computer watching video of Kenny knocking out Mackworthy’s eye, and their kiss afterward. Her phone rings.
APRIL
Hello?
Hello?
KENNY
It’s me babe. I’m coming home. Sorry I sent that retard to do a man’s work.
It’s me babe. I’m coming home. Sorry I sent that retard to do a man’s work.
APRIL
What the fuck happened to you Kenny?
What the fuck happened to you Kenny?
KENNY
I just... I didn’t get the Tampa deal, and I didn’t know how to tell you. I can’t just be a regular failure like everyone else when I’m around you.
I just... I didn’t get the Tampa deal, and I didn’t know how to tell you. I can’t just be a regular failure like everyone else when I’m around you.
APRIL
Why’d you leave me like that? Couldn’t you just tell me how you felt?
Why’d you leave me like that? Couldn’t you just tell me how you felt?
KENNY
I’m not good with feelings, but let’s put that mistake behind us. My Daddy hooked up a deal with his old Korean team. So pack your stuff. It’s a twenty hour flight. I’ll cover your drinks, but I’m going to need you to chip in for your food. Just until we get to Korea, cuz I’m bout to be PAID.
I’m not good with feelings, but let’s put that mistake behind us. My Daddy hooked up a deal with his old Korean team. So pack your stuff. It’s a twenty hour flight. I’ll cover your drinks, but I’m going to need you to chip in for your food. Just until we get to Korea, cuz I’m bout to be PAID.
APRIL
Your Daddy? Kenny this just sounds like the same old shit.
Your Daddy? Kenny this just sounds like the same old shit.
KENNY
No. This is for real this time.
No. This is for real this time.
APRIL
Kenny. I’m pregnant. You know what that means?
Kenny. I’m pregnant. You know what that means?
CUT TO:
INT. KENNY’S DENALI - CONTINUOUS
INT. KENNY’S DENALI - CONTINUOUS
Kenny’s stunned. He holds his hand up to his blu-tooth.
KENNY
Preggers? You checked the thing on the--
APRIL
I’m pregnant Kenny. I’m fucking pregnant you asshole.
KENNY
I just want us to think about everything here--
April hangs up. Kenny looks up at himself in the mirror.
CUT TO:
KENNY (V.O.) (CONT’D)
So here I am again. Having to choose for the last time. Go to Korea and be the star of their entire continent, or go back home to the love of my life and be a regular failure like everyone else?
THE END
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